How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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