Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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