I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
