Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
