My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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