did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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