Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
