i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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