Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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