I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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