there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
