I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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