his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
