Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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