oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
