just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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