My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
