We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
