I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
