party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
