So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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