at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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