Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
