This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
