i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
