Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
