from now on my penis is your penis
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
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believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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