man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
