thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize