I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
