last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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