Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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