HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I love you.
Bad choice
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
