i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
