It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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