you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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