So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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