It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
