My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
