its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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