Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Houston, we have a squirter
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
