My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
