Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
