Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
