I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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