watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
