if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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