sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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