genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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