well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
