Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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