should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
