A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
