When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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