wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's official drugs can't kill me
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
