We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
