You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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