some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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