Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
