I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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