I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize