I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
