Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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