So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
