she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
