so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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