yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
