just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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