watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
