Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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