I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
