there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
