I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
