is your mom at the bar?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I will pee on everything he values.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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