I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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